Lania groaned inwardly. CSFB! was never going to get his badge in race-announcing that way. She settled back in her lifeguard tower, adjusted her slim black shades and watched the oily Legionnaires sprint down the virtual sand. ‘I need one of these at home’, she thought, admiring the shimmer of the fake sun as it fell slowly into the equally fake sea. The whole setting was created and maintained by Hallie, as a birthday gift for Viz. The possibly-fake man himself was enjoying Cheryl’s attentions (along with her swimsuit, which was small enough to make one wonder if *it* really existed either) and a bottle of Sangria on a nearby towel. When Cheryl’s hands slipped around Viz’s waist and started roving, Lania turned her gaze back to the race.
"I loooooooooooooove yooooooo…" Space Ghost had given up racing and was lying in the sand, shouting at the others as they passed over him. He was especially enjoying the fact that the girls’ bathing suits looked much more..interesting..from this angle. What he failed to see coming was Cobra’s soccer cleats, which she always wore when jogging in sand. A few painful gurgles later, the Pantsless Wonder was six inches deep in sand clutching himself with one hand and his Thunderbird with another. "You will rise again, won’t you?…" he whimpered.
Ignoring SG’s sand-bogged groans, Sorceress zoomed around the other runners and towards Hatty, the only Legionnaire who was really running instead of stumbling along and falling over. Drawing closer, she spotted his secret weapon: a headband with a sandpiper on the front. She swore inwardly and redoubled her efforts. As she drew alongside him, she called out.
"oh, Jayyyyy?"
"Yes?" He automatically looked over and sealed his doom. To everyone else on the beach, Sorc was wearing a modest red swimsuit top. To poor Jay, she was completely nude. "Whu..ha..hoo..ooooo.." He stopped so hard he fell down and sat stunned while Sorc breezed past.
"Toodles!" Snickering, she resumed her slower pace and aimed at the finish line. Ah, the fringe benefits of being a small town witch.
Back on her stand, Lania snickered as ensorcelled Jay shook himself out of his stupor in time to see Sorc cross the finish line, again fully clothed. She had seen more than one spell like that performed in her day… It almost made her wish she could borrow some of that mojo for Finny. She sighed and looked over, expecting to see Finny in his usual caftan, glasses, and sunscreen, despite the fact that no one but the LL, AL, and LoR were around and virtual sunburns don’t happen. Her mouth fell open and her shades dropped from one slim hand when she got a good look at what her draconic lover was up to this time. The obsessively-shy Foomster was decked out in a scaley green Speedo, Hasselhoff sunglasses and was sipping something from a frosty glass. There was not a single umbrella or bottle of sunscreen in sight. When he caught sight of Lania gaping, he waved casually with one claw. "Come on over to my towel, gorgeous."
Against her better judgement, Lania caught herself blushing as she climbed down to join him. "What happened to you??"
Finny raised a green..(do dragons have eyebrows?) something (don’t take that wrong, I mean, geez it’s something on his FACE for pete’s sake) and gave her a toothy grin. "I decided to give you a little thrill, my sweet.."
He plucked a black case of the air. "Taa-daa! Open it."
Lania took the case hesitantly. In VR, this could hold anything from a ring to a bunch of spiders. She opened the case a crack and peered inside. When the light hit the box’s contents, she gasped.
"Finny!!"
Further down the beach, everyone turned to look. CSFB! Sighed with disappointment when he realized they were not doing something illicit involving blow up pool toys and the latest issue of Lesbian Leeches from Liberia (Vol. 22, No. 5).
Lania flipped the case open to reveal a dazzling emerald ring with an intricate ‘L’ made of small rubies in the center. Finny watched her face carefully, hurriedly adding, "This is just the virtual representation, of course, but I assure you the real one is just the same.. I was going to wait until dinner.." He lost his bravado. Lania looked up at him with tears in her eyes.
"Are you..?"
"Um. Er. Yes, yes I am. Will you marry me?"
Dead silence. The group of partygoers fainted collectively, with the exception of Viz and Cheryl, who had disappeared behind some dunes and had not bothered to resurface for the event. Lania found her voice long enough to say yes just as Space Ghost popped up through the sand and tossed his now empty bottle up in a celebratory gesture of sorts, the sky turned black and lit up with fireworks (Hallie sure knows how to work that stuff) and Lania and Finny smooched, much to Lania’s delight and a certain lurker’s horror. As the shadowy figure stepped around the edge of the fireworks’ illumination, he ranted quietly to himself and cursed the day Adam forfeited the rib for some nookie. Meanwhile, the party swung into full effect and the blaring music finally brought Viz and Cheryl back to the rest of the group, rubbing sore muscles and grinning drunkenly (no mean feat, SG assures me). Vizh slapped Finny on his green backside.
"Way to go there, buddy..but lemme tell you, once you get past the first year, all they wanna do is talk about kids and mortgages and feeli-"
Cheryl cut him off with a hand across the mouth and, with a determined look, dragged him back to the sand dune.
(To be continued! In a blatant ripoff of Ian’s infamous endings…. Next time, back in reality, the introduction of another Darkness family member, SG’s missing bottle (where DOES kirk come up with these positions??), and the big question: Will Andy turn wimp on Lania and leave her at the alter? Come back for another helping of ‘I drank too much for a Wednesday night and decided to write some lame ass story’, courtesy of Sorceress.)
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